It is always this time of year when our emotions seem to get deeper. We think about loved ones, present & past, those who are no longer with us today & how much we miss them.
So much can happen in a day, a week, a month or a year. We enter every new year with people we didn't know before & we leave people behind that are no longer part of our lives.
Im not a christmas person & as much as I love buying people gifts & of course I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy receiving them too but christmas has become so commercialised. We should use the occasion to celebrate the memories of those closest to us, to spend time with our loved ones or even use the holiday to make somebody else's life that little but better. Im not saying im this huge charitably person that goes around making peoples lives amazing but taking the time to speak to somebody who has noone left, taking 5 minutes of your day to converse with someone who is lonely can make such a big difference in their life. I would love to be able to do more to contribute to the world but really im useless & like right now spend most my life feeling poorly & unable to move. But in working life im a Mental Health Support Worker & when I spend christmas day with my residents & seeing them enjoy their day & hopefully feeling like im somehow part of that reason for their joy makes me feel better!
It gets to stupid times at night where my head gets so overloaded with words & I just need to get them out, im dosed up with painkillers & bedbound with a kidney & pelvis infection feeling well & truly sorry for myself that my mind desides to drag up the past! Anyone who has the "Timehop" app will get a daily reminder of stupid things they did this time last year or mine goes back 7years, following a recent breakup most of my "memories" involve my ex, dont get me wrong some of them make me smile, others make me laugh & think what the hell was I thinking & then others make me think of all the "what ifs" "what went wrong" "i wish things were different" but thankfully i snap out of that stage & decide to (& fail) write a meaningful blog which turns into me rambling & talking crap till I feel better about myself! But hey who knows there could be one person reading this (if anyone reads this) that feels the same & can relate then my jobs done! If not ive made a public "Dear Diary" entry for you all to ignore!
I must take some more painkillers & try sleep
Goodnight
E ♡
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